HATE is easy…love takes COURAGE

Instead of venting about things that belong in that kind of blog, I’m going to make this productive and write down some of the things I’ve learned so far this year.  Hopefully it gives me something to work toward and something to think about when I’m tempted to embrace the crazy.

1. The most important quality to have as a lawyer is the ability to listen. I’ve realized that it can be hard to listen.  Most of us have been conditioned to speak well and to be concerned with what we say and how we say it.  Yet, I’ve found that often times people – myself included – will focus too much on what they’re about to say, or what they’ve said, and that they won’t be paying attention to the person they’re talking with.  The person being talked to – or at, in this case – doesn’t need to be impressed by our knowledge or SAT words.  They need us to listen to them, to listen to their problems, to their ideas, to their thoughts, to understand what they’re trying to share with us.  They need us to listen unconditionally.  They do not want us to contradict them or criticize them or qualify their statements.  They want someone to listen, and then start with the words, “Well, here’s how I think I can help.”  I’ve found that law students – and again, I’ve been guilty – are very quick to interrupt one another or to speak as if they’re correct, regardless of the points others are making.  I think that if I’m going to have a client someday, that I should be able to listen to his [or her] problems, and yes, this means sometimes listening to things I think are “irrelevant” or “silly.” They might not be silly to the person saying them.  It’s important to remember that.
2. It is important to know how to take a compliment. This isn’t necessarily something I’ve learned in law school, but it’s something I think is important because it seems that in social settings [cocktail parties, mixers, etc] compliments fly like crazy and they’re the polite thing to do. [Luckily, they're usually the easy thing to do too.]  If somebody gives you a compliment, just smile…and say thank you.  Or, even offer one of your own [if it's sincere].  It’s rude – I think, and I’ve been told – to object to a compliment, or to qualify it, or to generally take away from it.  Just smile.  Is that so hard to do?
3. Your personal problems are just that – yours. My dad taught me this a long time ago – and I think this may be an outcome of his military training – but I think it’s especially pertinent now that we’ve all got so many things going on, many of which are extremely stressful.  Whatever you have going on, you’re the only person it’s really important to.  Sure, you may vent to your friends – or roommates – but when you get to work [or school], nobody cares that you didn’t get enough sleep last night, or that you have a wedding to go to in the middle of the week [like I do this week], or that you had family visiting, or that your [insert _____ here].  It is your responsibility to be polite and to perform to the best of your ability regardless of what is going on.  When I have a client, I doubt he or she will care that I’ve gotten 4 hours of sleep a night for over 2 weeks, or that I’ve got 2365024862 assignments to take care of in addition to his or hers.  To that person, they are important, and they deserve just as much care as anything else.  Client will not care that I didn’t get enough sleep; client will care very much if I snap at him or her, or if I do not do a good job for him or her.  No matter what’s going on, you still have to do your job.  Part of your job is to not take out your frustrations on the people around you.  Go somewhere quiet, and enjoy the opportunity for silence.  It helps, I promise.
4. People will not always remember what we say, but they will always remember how we made them feel. This is something that was passed on to me at A&M, and it’s become even more relevant now.  Lawyers and law students talk.  A LOT.  About EVERYTHING.  It seems a lot of the time, they worry that so and so will remember that they said this and that and that it might get repeated here and there.  Usually, that’s not the case.  Usually, it’s so and so remembering they don’t like him or her because of how that person made [or makes] them feel.  So, even if you’re being “polite” or “nice,” if people sense that it’s condescending or grudging, they will not like it, and probably not like you.  Likewise, if you say something impolite [maybe you didn't get enough sleep and don't care who knows it], but the person you say it to generally has warm feelings toward you because they usually enjoy being around you, because you make them happy, they’ll probably forgive and forget.
5. It’s okay if there isn’t a “right” answer. I’m sure this is something that we all learn regardless of where we go to law school.  Well, I think it’s something we’re supposed to learn, anyway.  I’ve learned that just because my answer is “right” it doesn’t mean that another answer can’t be “right” too.  I’ve learned that I have to pick a side and make the best argument that I can, but to be prepared that someone else may have picked the opposite side and made a better argument.  And:  IT’S.  O.  K.  I think it’s more important to be concerned with the why than the what, and I think that’s true for a lot of things.

::whew::  I didn’t expect to write a little paragraph for each part of that.  I have to go be productive now, but hopefully somebody gets something worthwhile out of this.

Cheers.